so right here right now , i want to confess seriously shit that i miss you , abah ! :'( it's so weird when you are not around anymore . i swear to god .
i regretted . i did not visit you when you were admitted in hospital ==' hmm i wished you were still here so that i could seek for your forgiveness . oh god , how i regretted it ! sorry abah -,-
i did not bother about visiting you at that time coz i thought you will be just fine after a few days of stay at the ward . but i was totally wrong .
kakak keep texting me about your update at the hospital . but i keep ignore it . maybe at that time i was too busy with a lot of other stuff . but now i realize nothing could ever important compared to you , abah . -,-
it turned out to be like a few weeks of your stay at the hospital . but , i still did not think of visiting you . why am i so selfish ? ! errr :(
then , till one morning . i was still sleeping in my bed . suddenly mom woke me up .
mom : lynn lynn ! bangun .
alynn : hmmm ? err
mom : bangun bangun . oyy ! cepat .
alynn : (so lazy to wake up )
mom : abah da takde . tadi dekat surau da bagitawu .
alynn : haaa ? !
then , i rushed get myself out of my bed . take my bath . i could not stop myself from blaming my selfishness to not visit him and take care of him while he was sick . oh god ! forgive me please =='
my family and i get ready and went to the surau and wait for abah's jenazah . i never could imagine my feeling at that time . shock . regret . sad . mad at myself . :'(
when the people were praying for abah's jenazah in the surau , i was crying alone outside the surau . i keep asking myself the same question over and over again .
why i did not bother of visiting him and take care of my abah like he did to me when i was a child before ?
arghhhh !
how i wished i could turn back time :'(
and now , abah has left us quite some time , hari raya was so quiet without you , abah =='
when i was raya-ing at abah's house , i could see that everybody is still missing you . i could see your picture .
then i realize that i miss you too :(
i really sorry for what i did , abah .
please forgive me =='